Roooooolllllll Tide!

I hope you all enjoyed watching Alabama spank LSU as much as we did!

Thoughts on Coalescence

I struggle sometimes with talking about my interest in switching, both in a public forum and in my private conversations.  I think part of the reason is that I identify as a top who switches, and I think part of the reason is that I tend to get tunnel vision about who spanks me.

Lisa holds a place above anyone else, specifically in regards to me topping.  I do love and take care of other people, some on a regular basis and some occasionally, some seriously and some playfully, but always with her needs and wants in mind.  Luuuucky her, she also gets to be saddled with my needs and wants, and I say that a little facetiously because it’s no easy task.  I know Lisa would be okay with me contacting another top if that’s what I wanted, but the thought of anyone else spanking me is almost repulsive.  Soooo, this past weekend that meant that I found myself on the receiving end of a brand new hairbrush with my obliging girlfriend.

I won’t bore you with the details, but I will tell you that Lisa is getting good at this whole spanking thing.  Almost too good.  It was something I needed and wanted and enjoyed on all levels, but at the end, after a few particularly hard and low swats, I had tears welling up in my eyes.

Lisa tossed the brush and leaned around to hold me.  When she met my watery eyes her expression crumpled.  She looked so pitiful to see me so pitiful that I couldn’t help smiling.  My girl is not a top but she loves me just exactly right and does everything she can to take care of me when I need it.  Seeing her face fall made me want to hold her, and it gave me a moment of comfort like I haven’t experience before.

I don’t know if anyone else who switches, especially with their significant other, struggles with self-identity or finding their role, but I assume I’m not the only one.  Sometimes it’s hard to know when to be on top of things and when I’m overbearing, when selflessness turns into a hindrance instead of a gift, or when to be selfish (in the good positive way that we all should be sometimes).

But this weekend I had a perfect moment where I felt absolutely comforted and comforting and in control but not too in control, and above all loved and happy.  I never would have predicted that our relationship would have ended up here, with me in love with the darling brat that I met online almost two years ago.  And I’m not about to start guessing where we’ll end up, but I can tell you this:  I am one very lucky woman.

And you should have seen Lisa’s face when she realized she’d broken the brush.  She was next, you know… she couldn’t stop grinning to save her life…

June

Sorry for the absence To be honest, I’ve been thinking more and more recently about how relevant this blog is to our lives together anymore. Not for any bad reasons, just because we’ve been evolving as a couple and our relationship just isn’t as dependent on our top/bottom relationship as it once was. It’s not the primary dynamic. So although I’m not entirely sure of our future with the blog, I’m not one to break a promise so here are the events from June:

Back in the school year, I got into quite a bit of trouble with blacking out. Going out, partying a little harder than I intended, and waking up without much recollection of the night’s events. As you can probably imagine, Gracie isn’t a huge fan of this kind of behavior and because she had punished me for it before, she felt pretty drastic measures needed to be taken. This resulted in me having to write around 600 lines. More than double any other line-writing punishment I’ve had. It was actually 3oo, initially, but I kept fighting her on it and refusing to do them so more was eventually added. Looking back on what happened, I realize I fought her pretty much tooth and nail the entire time. Refusing to do them, saying I was working on lines when I was only writing 5, and blowing them off to party with my friends,  etc.

Back in June, I had the opportunity to stay with Gracie for a few weeks and I took it. It was a wonderful trip and we enjoyed each others’ company just as much over a long span of time as we do for the weekend. I wouldn’t trade that time together for the world. However, during my first few days we had a “Talk” about my behavior in regards to the line. It’s a pretty known fact in our relationship that Talk means spanking. They’re pretty much synonymous. So Grace put me over her lap and got down to what she does best and I wiggled and tried to escape and whined a whole bunch. This was just with her hand. Once she broke out her paddle I was feeling much less like fighting and much more like submitting until she would feel we had gone far enough. I’m really terrible at being stoic, but sometimes I can pull it off. This was not one of those times. I started crying pretty hard, mostly from guilt, I’m sure some from the spanking and after a minute or so she pulled me up into a hug. That is just  the best thing about being involved with DD. Knowing that you have majorly messed up, feeling awful, and being able to have the closure and relief that being punished and forgiven by your partner can bring. Needless to say, I won’t be blacking out or ignoring punishments for  a very long time.

Gotta let me in, hey hey hey…

So here is something honest.  It’s been hard to think about writing about Lisa’s visit in February because it was a pretty emotional time for us and a defining point in our relationship.

It was supposed to be our last for a while as we tried to disentangle ourselves.

Fear not, followers.  That plan backfired tremendously.  I think we’re both pretty happy about it, though.  Over the moon about it, really.  Ecstatic, even.  So the context of our relationship has changed some as we grow and learn and continue to enjoy each other.  It’s wonderful.

Jumping right in… as much as Lisa dreads spanking for discipline, we both love the closeness of the act itself in other contexts.  My girlie barely made it thirty minutes from the airport before she was bratting and pushing and then over my lap in the backseat of my car outside a Cajun restaurant.  It was just enough to get us back in the groove of being near each other, able to touch, followed by a few threats about the perils awaiting us at home.

While there were lots of wonderful things over the trip, we did have one major discipline spanking to which we had to attend.  Before we began, I had Lisa sit at the desk and write out the reasons she was in trouble.  Then I came back in with her hairbrush and a wooden spatula.  I sat on the bed and pulled her between my knees and looked over her list, then pulled her pants down and had her across my lap.

While the things we had to discuss were serious, the spanking was not near as hard as some of the others she’s had.  I think our infrequent meeting and her working out has changed her tolerance.  She can still take a pretty hard spanking, but what gets to her quickest– and how we can really differentiate between a discipline spanking or a spanking for fun or even bratting– is when the swats come hard and fast so she doesn’t have time to think about anything except her bottom being spanked.

Lisa was already sorry from the beginning, but as she and I have discussed before, it doesn’t negate the consequences for misbehavior.  We finished and I held her, and we talked about how important it is that she keep herself safe and happy.  This is always a priority, of course, but I think I feel particularly strongly about a few specific things like drinking so heavily that there are gaps in her memory.  No one wants this, but it scares me all the more because I’m not there and by no means close enough to show up on short notice.  So these things are uncompromisable.  Lisa knows this, which I think contributed to the emotional toll of this spanking.  For the first time we finished with her crying over my knee as she apologized.  I hate to see her sad or hurt, but I am glad to know that the spanking had the desired effect.

Otherwise, there was lots of snuggling and loving and talking.  We smoked hookah at my house, watched the Steelers game at a local BBQ joint, and ran into the icy February water.  We had lots of goofy spanking and talked and played some with Lisa spanking me.  We’re still trying to figure out how that all works; mostly, I mean I don’t know exactly what I need and want, but we’re having a good time exploring.

So there is a disjointed version of our first 2011 trip.  We’ll try and update soon about my trip up to see her last month.  It was less emotional in all the right ways, and fresher on my mind and hers.  Oh and you should all be so excited about June!  My love will be here for several weeks this summer.  You better believe there will be adventures galore.  :)

We make hope from every small disaster…

So Lisa was not kidding when she said she was going to make me update the blog, too.  She is threatening to do terrible awful uncalled-for things to me, like use my own paddle against me!  See, I thought I liked the idea of her topping occasionally, but I’ve created a monster.

Or I have created someone is reasonably irritated that it took me two weeks and three reminders to actually post here.  I cannot say definitively which, but I am sure I created one of those two things.

So finally, here it is, my two cents about the October visit on which she recently filled you in.  Let’s talk about Lake Ontario first.  Lisa was really adorable about being spanked on the picnic bench.  She liked the idea at first, suggested it, bratted for it… and she just about turned scarlet when I actually sat down to take care of things.  Then again, she may not have realized that I was going to take her jeans down.  They were back up by the time I was looking for switches.  The first one she mentioned was really a switch; the second was way too thick.

When Lisa found herself kneeling on the bench, bent over across the picnic table, bottom still pink from being spanked a moment ago, she still felt the need to talk back to me.  I am pretty hesitant about new implements, especially if I haven’t experienced them myself, so this new thick switch was slow going– at first.  When she could not even contain herself for a few test swats, though, my patience ran out and that was the end of slow exploration and semi-fun spanking for us.

She really was a subby mess afterward, which of course melted my heart.  I just adore that girl so much. On the way back into town we stopped at a little stand to get a jug of apple cider.  I asked Lisa a question while we were checking out, eliciting a meek “yes ma’am” which was followed immediately by a rising blush at the unintentional answer in front of the cashier.  It was absolutely the sweetest cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

Let’s seeee… other things worth mentioning… oh, how about let’s clarify:  I am not, in fact, 70.  I did, however, work every day before the visit and I was on planes and such the whole day before, earning the nap!  And I will agree that some of our decision making differences are due to age.  But honestly, I bet Lisa will be a bit of a brat even when I am 70.

I hope so, anyway.  Life would be so dull otherwise.

Better Late Than Never…

I know what you’re all thinking. “What the hell, guys?” It’s been like 3 months since we’ve had a legitimate update and I have no excuse other than to say life got in the way. Gracie and myself have both had some very crazy changes/events in our lives and things just started to calm down in the last few weeks. To the 20 of you who have been continually reading since our hiatus(or one person who comes back 20 times a day) I can’t begin to express how grateful I am for the loyalty, even if we were not as faithful to you in our blogging duties. </shameful apology>

We promise no weekly blogs, but we’re going to do our best to get on here at least a few times a month to update you all(or y’all as my dear, Southern Gracie would say) on the non-vanilla events in our lives. I haven’t told Gracie I’m updating the blog yet, but I’ll make her put in her fair share of entries, too. She’s still wrapped around my finger.

As promised a long time ago, I will now fill you guys in on the events of Friday, October 5th.

I had to go to class in the early afternoon. Which sucked. So Grace drove me back down to my school and then independently embarked on a journey to get a nap (have I mentioned Grace is 70?) This was fine, naps are cool. Except she forgot about me. Kind of. She slept through her alarm. I can’t quite remember, but I’m pretty sure I beat it into the ground and reminded her about her lack of punctuality a few times throughout the course of the day . So once she awoke from her coma and picked me up, we went to an under 35 munch! Which was a lot of fun! We were definitely minorities, identifying as primarily spankos/top and bottom as opposed to dom(domme) and sub, but we had a blast and everyone there was super welcoming and interesting.

At the munch we met a couple of switches who are not in a domestic discipline relationship, but practice D/s and switch who gets to be the Dom(Domme) every month, which I thought was just the cutest thing. As did Gracie. Gracie and I play around with switching, but 99% of the time she’s still very much in charge. Though I do enjoy it when she allows me to take control for a little while. I think it’s a pretty interesting concept to be a couple who has a complete 50/50 switch dynamic, though I am not sure how that would work for Grace and myself. There is a very visible difference in our good decision-making abilities, most likely due to our age difference. Realistically speaking, you just make riskier mistakes when you’re 18 as opposed to 25 due to lack of life experience. So while Gracie gets onto me about putting myself in dangerous situations, most usually if I am scolding her, it’s about punctuality or misplacing her wallet.

Friday I was feeling very bratty and I believe I kept pinching her on the drive home from the munch, until she realized she had misplaced some important items at the munch. She was able to locate them, but the situation stressed her out indefinitely. And I was feeling no less bratty, which was unfortunate. I kept pushing her further and further at the hotel. She wanted to watch a movie and snuggle(usually a favorite of mine) and I didn’t feel like cooperating with anything she suggested to me. Eventually my stubbornness and resistance resulted in Grace taking down my PJ pants and using a large paddle to drive home the point that she was in no mood to deal with my bad attitude that night. Instead of apologizing or giving in, however, I decided to keep pushing and I refused to say “yes ma’am” or respond in any desirable manner to her scolding. So I wound up receiving a pretty hard paddling and a lot more bruising than I received even from my serious spanking the night before.

The next two days are a bit of a blur to me, but I do vividly remember another spanking. We decided to go up to Lake Ontario despite the cold weather. I, once again, was feeling bratty and a bit uncooperative. (I don’t know how that woman puts up with me sometimes) We had a really lovely time for the most part, though. She found a bunch of concrete that led out about 50 feet into the lake and went out the the edge, I was concerned about the sturdiness of the makeshift bridge(Grace is definitely the adventurer between the two of us) but I was eventually coerced into going out to the edge with her. It was really gorgeous, I had never been to a Great Lake before and I definitely would like to go back come Summer.

Before we departed back home for the day, Grace decided to deal with my earlier misbehavior and took me into the woods by the  shore. She spanked me over her lap on a picnic bench near a few trees that provided semi-privacy, but I’m pretty sure that the joggers running by could put two and two together from the sounds. She picked a switch when I remained uncooperative and when I still wasn’t feeling remorseful, she grabbed what I could only describe as a tree-trunk, it was the biggest switch I’ve ever seen, and she spanked me long after I begged her to stop with it. I could feel the heat radiating through my jeans when I stood up and it was probably the most uncomfortable I have ever been after a spanking. Easily the worst implement I’ve ever come into contact with. I was a subby mess after that, however, and wouldn’t leave her side for the rest of the day. I held onto her hand tight and was pretty well-behaved on the ride home.

So, more things have happened in our little world recently and we’re going to be having another visit in the near future, we will keep you updated! Thank you for continuing to read our entries after all the neglect! We promise to try to be better to our readers in 2011.

Bad

I’m really bad at this and I apologize. Grace and I have been going through a lot of time-consuming and kind of draining activities recently. I will give all of you our final updates on our visit when I have the time. I promise. It’s only been a month haha…

Weekend Get-aways…

As was noted previously in the blog, GRACE CAME UP TO VISIT!!! She was here for around 4 days, and there’s no possible way I could condense all of our activities into one blog entry, so that’s right kids. You guessed it. You’re getting more than one blog entry from me this week! Oh my God, the good news just keeps rolling in! What can I say? I aim to please

Soooooooo….Thursday, I met Miss Gracie(I only call her that in jest or when she’s being terrifying) at my college’s parking garage and walked with her back to my dorm. Roles were a bit reversed this time since I no longer have a car and she is old enough to rent one. I had to be the passenger this trip. That was wonderful, we had a snuggle session(an awesome, long while in the making snuggle sesh) and just talked and caught up. I am never bored with that woman, she’s always making me giggle about something or telling some interesting story.

Afterward, I had to go to a few classes. Noooot fun at ALL when I know who’s waiting for me at the hotel. So finally, after what seemed like days, no months…years, even, I was able to reunite with Gracie and we went and grabbed something no-frills to eat since we were on a time limit. My school brought in a comedian we wanted to see so we went, and it was pretty good. The comedian was funny, but unfortunately I left my glasses in the auditorium. Gah. I found them the next day though. 8) <—–See what I did there? I put a smiley wearing glasses, because *I* wear glasses. Sometimes.

ANNNYYYWAYYY, that was all fine and dandy(Hah, now I sound as old as Grace) and afterward it was time to get down to business. While I haven’t had any major, maaajor indiscretions recently, I still had quite a naughty list racked up for my serious spanking, (including, but not limited to: snorting pills again, general brattery, ignoring Grace’s advice on using the planner she bought me) so we went back to the hotel and we got ready for the discipline session I had coming.

First, Gracie had me sit down and she washed my mouth out. Which wasn’t much fun at all. Her reasoning was all the arguing I had been doing with her had earned it, and for once, I’m just going to agree and say I probably did deserve it. It was kind of embarrassing, though. She had never had me do that in real life before, it was always just on cam. For phase 2, she had me stand up and she sat down on the chair and guided me over her lap. I was just in a Tshirt and undies, and the undies came down pretty quickly into the spanking. The next ten minutes were my own personal little hell. She started out with her hand, which stings way more than I care to admit, and is worse than some implements when she’s going full force. I had never been spanked over her knee before and I felt pretty topsy turvy and out of control the whole time, I’m also pretty sure my sit spots were more easily accessible than last time because she didn’t take it easy on them.

Next she brought out her mini paddle our friend Matt made. It is about the same weight and pain level as a hairbrush. Which, obviously, means it sucks. She relentlessly paddled me with that, and although the severity of this spanking was not on the same level as last time, it was much longer. Instead of several hard swats in a short period of time, she was landing medium swats over a much longer span of time. I honestly thought she would never stop. I approached tears a few times, but frankly was too caught up in trying to escape and kick my way off her lap to follow through. Eventually when I decided to just lay still and take it like a man(same approach people use when being attacked by bears…funny!), she stopped.

Unfortunately, the spanking wasn’t over. She promised me a lengthy session with the belt for my disobedience and reluctance to use a planner to keep track of my day. I mean, yeah she asked me like 10 times a day to use it, but the spanking seemed so far off when I was ignoring her…I was tricked, really. I am a victim of time. So I was feeling very submissive at this point and laid myself over the bed and she began the belt portion of my spanking. Not as bad as the paddle, or even her hand really, when she landed them in the middle of my backside, but when she hit me on my thighs or on the top portion of my butt, it was like getting stung by a bee-rope.(yep, a rope made entirely of bees) Awwwwful.

Afterward we cuddled up, I was feeling pretty subdued(as I usually do after a spanking that’s very hard or involves scolding) and we just laid on the bed and talked. I apologized a few times, she forgave me a few times, and I pretty much clung to her for the rest of the night. Lots of hugs and forehead kisses and laughs were had throughout the rest of the night, and I believe that may be the night we went to bed earliest. We were both really exhausted by the time we finally drifted off, it had been a long day. The next day is its own story, so I’ll update with details on Friday later this week!…Or I’ll make Grace do it.

Back to school, hear the yell…

Well well, there is trouble in the near future for little miss Lisa.  I’ve been trying to get her more organized with her school work, with limited success.  Some of my suggestions were ignored and others argued against.  The only one I have really emphasized is the use of a planner/calendar.  I even sent one for her to use, though until yesterday it wasn’t even opened.

And now Lisa is overwhelmed with school work, finding herself scattered and stressed.  She skipped one class to do work for another today, and still ended up getting a zero on an assignment.  What has been difficult for me is letting that happen.  I won’t pretend that I thought it inevitable, mind you.  Lisa is very intelligent and capable, and if she doesn’t need the same tools that I found helpful to be successful, then she doesn’t need them.

She’s now had a chance at that, though, and it did not work.  So now she is in trouble, tonight or tomorrow or whenever we have the time and she has an empty room.  And she will have to follow my suggestions for keeping on top of things, but this time with consequences for ignoring them. 

One of the things that I love about my relationship with Lisa– even though it’s sometimes frustrating– is how independent she is.  There are mistakes she has to make on her own.  I’m completely sympathetic to that, having made many of them myself (which is how I got to be a good top in the first place ).  And the ones I haven’t made I’ve seen my friends make (and I pay very close attention).

So, she will have a sore backside very soon.  But she won’t make the same errors again.  And it won’t just be because she’s afraid of being in trouble, even if that’s part of it.  It will be because she is good at figuring out what needs to be done, and then doing it.  The learning process just maybe goes a little faster with me around…

Beware the ides of… September?

So Lisa and I are terrible at this game.  In my defense, I told her that before we started at a blog, but she said she’d make sure we kept up with it.  I asked her about it yesterday.  Her response: “We have a blog?”

Apologies in advance if you think this post is an indication that there will be consistent updating in the future.  As always, we will do our best, but life has a habit of getting in the way.  Lisa is loaded with school work now and extracurriculars, and I stay busy myself, but we’ll do what we can.

So, our lives?  Good.  I’m going up to see her again next month.  We’ll definitely have an update about that.  For the most part we’re doing a lot of learning and exploring.  There haven’t been too many serious issues.  It’s been hard adjusting to Lisa being away at school and having a roommate and thin walls.  I think it was a lot harder for her not being spanked than she expected.

Things are okay now, though.  I would like to recommend that those in need of a quiet implement invest in a simple 50 cent wooden ruler.  Turn that bad boy sideways and you’ve got a quiet menace on your hands.  Or on your backside.  Whatever the case may be.

So, here it is, a short little nonsensical update.  Thank you if you’re still reading.  Ask questions if you want something specific.

And happy six months, Lisa.