I struggle sometimes with talking about my interest in switching, both in a public forum and in my private conversations. I think part of the reason is that I identify as a top who switches, and I think part of the reason is that I tend to get tunnel vision about who spanks me.
Lisa holds a place above anyone else, specifically in regards to me topping. I do love and take care of other people, some on a regular basis and some occasionally, some seriously and some playfully, but always with her needs and wants in mind. Luuuucky her, she also gets to be saddled with my needs and wants, and I say that a little facetiously because it’s no easy task. I know Lisa would be okay with me contacting another top if that’s what I wanted, but the thought of anyone else spanking me is almost repulsive. Soooo, this past weekend that meant that I found myself on the receiving end of a brand new hairbrush with my obliging girlfriend.
I won’t bore you with the details, but I will tell you that Lisa is getting good at this whole spanking thing. Almost too good. 
It was something I needed and wanted and enjoyed on all levels, but at the end, after a few particularly hard and low swats, I had tears welling up in my eyes.
Lisa tossed the brush and leaned around to hold me. When she met my watery eyes her expression crumpled. She looked so pitiful to see me so pitiful that I couldn’t help smiling. My girl is not a top but she loves me just exactly right and does everything she can to take care of me when I need it. Seeing her face fall made me want to hold her, and it gave me a moment of comfort like I haven’t experience before.
I don’t know if anyone else who switches, especially with their significant other, struggles with self-identity or finding their role, but I assume I’m not the only one. Sometimes it’s hard to know when to be on top of things and when I’m overbearing, when selflessness turns into a hindrance instead of a gift, or when to be selfish (in the good positive way that we all should be sometimes).
But this weekend I had a perfect moment where I felt absolutely comforted and comforting and in control but not too in control, and above all loved and happy. I never would have predicted that our relationship would have ended up here, with me in love with the darling brat that I met online almost two years ago. And I’m not about to start guessing where we’ll end up, but I can tell you this: I am one very lucky woman.
And you should have seen Lisa’s face when she realized she’d broken the brush. She was next, you know… she couldn’t stop grinning to save her life…
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Ciao Gracie! I was pleasantly surprised to see a new post from you come up on my blogroll. Switching is indeed delicate, but the payoff is that you get the best of both worlds.